Dormant Revival

the teardrops descend splashing around down the well of delusion
once amiss, with a steady grasp on a false reality, now crumbling with
    uncertainty
my mind spirals afar, no origin or concept of truth
for what one now knows is for but only an idea on which
    i built my castles
--they too melt in the summer sun. and wash away, with my senses.

why the grass grows so tall only to wilt over its premature advances and
dry up, like emotions lost in the vacuum that is my being, remains
    the question of the age
to drudge on may be understating but blithe before bliss tenders the soul
along a weary path.

i've strayed; astray, no more. but recollection of the dusts
of past ideals proves less like a jigsaw and near that of a sequential generator.

for not being the craftsman who shapes from such plans, causes chaos for me
    as i attempt a dormant revival.
never have the issues been so problematic, but so has been
    the lack of solutions
and hours engulfed by pondering scenarios. forsaken by my own self
    loathing
to refresh and restart the dreary cycle yet again.
'til the day arrives when circumvention
    by flushing such poison thoughts
is no longer necessary.

17

her mouth's a genocide and I’m the foolishly sympathetic sea stacks

that stand there-- immobile-- taking each beating

from the surf, the waves that crash on my dignity,

breaking incessantly. pounding--the only metronome in this rythym-less nightmare

from which I wake alerted by fear, by apathy in a cold sweat,

by the vexatious alarm ringing in my head but not in reality

brain freezes and fatty ice cream can’t cure this affliction

of paranoia and impossible fantasies spliced into tonight’s special

feature film. in the next hour, tune in to the exploitation

of the sparse feelings that remain. too late, power failure,

blackout in a suburban neighborhood, of unacquainted co-inhabitants

living micro-existences, subdivided by all nuances by which one ought
not to prejudice

but hesitations lapse, the grid reboots and the cycle resumes

from square one

focused under overheated incandescent bulbs. beneath a lens and cover slip

but far from observation. neglected, consciously overlooked

a social experiment without intent. just incubated to near eruption

build ups of pressure, internally, externally--accidentally.

the forces of contemporary society. the oceans that dictate

modern survival. the seas the test and manipulate

to the extent of drowning victims drowning in self anguish

mellow, hollow and still un-phased

none to act out the mind's meager plays

dramas without substance, pitifully toyed with by a director

who himself lacks the vision. the mental performances repeat,

common in theme. a complete [and totally expected] about-face of desire

from solidity and steady emotion to relentless urges for superficiality

but yet again the heart pulsates on a different line

and so, like described, spotlight thievery--if only another felt the same

the similar want to spontaneity and the intangible.

Catharsis

Eons of prosperity—adventures mutually shared

Manhunt in the park, sight seeing and subdued parties

More remembrance than can be recounted

And count we did, you did,—Once.

The memories stay ingrained, the desire to hold on faded

Down the drain with last night’s spaghetti water

Be they determined by quality? Or quantity?

            I’ve neither

Personas of new awakening—Disintegrating.

category: Dementia  or  Mainstream Fever

friends change, while I remain, the same

still sane. One’d hope

for return to norm, revival of the prime

            perhaps the gilded collection be polished?

one-89, 2sixty-five, 411, 6thirty7  

blips

on an [anti-] social network

Interconnections of trivial vanity

Abroad for Lost Ties to mull in pity

over ‘pertinent’ stills of reality

that each one discriminated for this sole

purpose.

they Promised loyalty—loads of twisted words

            ‘twas hypnotized

Disposed as a pariah

Numbness always out of reach

Left to fend ‘gainst Loneliness the venomous disease.

Where I’ve lost my vision, you’ve calloused opinions

Pulsate in between depressive states

            Because of the lack in consistency

Can all be forgotten, or just overwritten

Now I’m no better. Stopped caring

            As they have

No longer checking up

Just catching up—on the sleep I don’t need

Catalogs of time’s best days engulfed in flames

Affinities re-routed and Defunct

Where, or rather why, has it all gone…

Last claim, it’s a shame.

Your fault. For forsaking such wonders

If only the roots were stronger against the storms

which seem to overtake the greatest.

once upon a jaded nightmare

pitiful little boy, outdated clothes and shabby shoes
whered you come from, cause that smirk doesnt say it all
watch him slouch, lower, deeper, in thought, out of touch,
nothing but the air in front, back and knotted up. through
the floorboard, his throbbing head trembles, no fear, just
the insecurities of an overwhelming chasm, a rift, in time,
he stumbles, gathers himself, proceeding to reset the load on
to the shoulders, through the door, one foot first, second
place ribbon gathers dust, clogs his nostrils, gasp and grasp
the pillow closer, bury your face, the facts, dont tell you
the flip side to the story, no more, maybe less, keep pouring
til when, the light breaks, you just cant see no more, but i
see you, look up, look back, but he only sees himself

Oh the Irony

Dig out a half eaten candy bar, laced with pocket lint
    and absorb the scene through glassy eyes
Oh those condescending oligarchists, melted posh to the core
rich in assets, but lacking in vitality
odalisques of vanity, sporting this week's personable self reality
pity the knowing and humble the blind, for apparentness can't but
    wrap up garbage--the stench will always seep out
    polluting the unbiased average jacks
time only passes to the passerby
    such is the luck, but anguish to the observer
And cut. Sink a little lower, now conform to that throne of a personality
    which instills that--"quote"--normality complex within
until unending feeling of insurrection dissipate
    the one way glass, mentally erected
    remains a two sided plate